Oddly, those are 3 words I have never said. My father died in 1966 when I was just a year old. "Happy Birthday, Dad" sounds funny coming out of my mouth. Today would have been my father's 71st birthday. He was born in 1938 under the name Richard Gene Gunterman. I blogged about my father last December, which you can read here. As you might remember, I know very little about him because his death was too painful for my mom and she rarely spoke of him. He was the one who named me, Rena Jean, after him.
Back in the 1980s, when I was writing to pen pals, I got in an argument with one lady through our letters. She was ranting about fathers and threw out that I might have been better off not having one because not all men make good fathers. I took it very personal and fired an insult back. I probably shouldn't have, but it hurt. As I posed in the Fatherless thread, there was a void in my life. It's a void that will never be filled for me in this lifetime. My mom did remarry in the late 1980s, but it was after we had a huge falling out and we're no longer speaking. The marriage didn't last long because he was an alcoholic and didn't survive his disease. I never went through the step-dad thing, and considering those circumstances, I'm lucky.
The whole dad-thing has been a big void in my life. If you look up the word void, it means "containing no matter, empty, not occupied, unfulfilled, completely lacking" -- gosh, how depressing. I am a person of faith though, so I believe I will see my dad eventually. As of today, it's been 43 years since this picture was taken. I imagine by the time I do see him, we'll have lots to talk about. Fortunately, I have a great father-in-law, who would do anything he could for me. And, Rick is a great dad too. It doesn't fill that void, but that's okay. I hope this post isn't too depressing. Now that I think about it, I've probably talked more about my father on my blog than I have anywhere else. Oh, in case you haven't figured it out, I'm the baby in that picture above. I wasn't holding anything either -- just playing with my hands.
5 comments:
Rena,
I just want to hug you. Thanks so much for sharing your dad. I too know that void with losing my mom at a young age and think I've also talked about her the most on my own blog. I think it's good to talk about them...they happened, they were real and they deserve the conversation. :) Much love, girl.
That comment was from me. :)
Sunshine
It's brave of you to share. I don't know how you feel - how can I? But it opens my eyes to another side of life.
Sometimes we forget and take things for granted. This post helps me remember that.
Thanks for sharing a personal, private and possibly painful part of your life.
That was a very nice post, your father knows how you feel. Thanks for sharing him.
Nancy
A beautiful blog Rena. I like to think that dropping in here each day is what it would be like to stop by for a 'cup of tea and friendship' if I lived closer. As in all friendships, it is good to share the good and the bad. It only draws people closer. Thank you for sharing about your dad - and what a wonderful picture. Any memories should be treasured and shared.
Hugs.
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