Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Goodbye, girlfriend.

It was with great sadness that we had to put our beloved kitty, Belle to sleep on Friday. It was the day after her 17th birthday. Her condition had gotten worse and we didn't think she would survive the weekend. After putting CJ to sleep 15 years ago, I never thought I'd hurt that much over a pet again. I was wrong. I am absolutely heartbroken.

Belle was with us for 17 years. She was a member of the family. She came into our lives through my sister, who brought her over one night because she thought she looked like CJ. Except for the orange streak up her nose, Belle was a spitting image of CJ. This was around 1993 and we still had CJ at the time, along with another cat named Abby. I suppose that helped two years later when I had to put CJ to sleep. When I came home on that horrible day, Belle and Abby were there to greet me. It wasn't long before Belle took over and began sleeping in my room.

I know many of my friends are going through hard times right now. Some have lost parents, or siblings, or friends. Others are having serious health issues, or dealing with sick children. I suppose to some people, losing a pet might not seem that big of a deal. Some people can go through life with that "it's just an animal" attitude. Not me. Belle was my best friend. She has been with us so long. No matter where I went, she would find me and want to sit either on me or near me. She wasn't a lapcat, by any means, but she was on my lap almost all the time. It had to be on HER condition.

Though it might seem petty or even pathetic to some, I have had an absolutely horrible weekend. As I said, I'm heartbroken. Belle was the first one to greet me when I came into the house. If Rick and the kids were downstairs at night, Belle was always at my side when I was upstairs. Now she's gone. My room no longer has the sound of water trickling from her little water fountain. I can't hear her say "yeah" every time she meowed. It's so horribly silent. I can't sleep at night because she's not lying on me or leaning up on my leg. Every time Rick moves at night, I wake up thinking it's Belle jumping on the bed. Reality hits again and I fall to pieces. It doesn't take much to make me fall apart -- from finding a few cat hairs on my clothes, or seeing the empty place where her bowl used to be, or watching her pictures come up on my digital frame. I'd like for them to be wonderful reminders of her life with us, but right now it just hurts.

As I know from CJ, it will take time before I can sit back and think about all the good times we had with Belle. I guess it's too early for that right now because everything is still so painful. And unlike how it was with CJ, I don't have the other cats to console me. I'm a mess. We do have Kitty, but she's my girl's cat and stays in Nichelle's room most of the time. I feel so empty and alone. I just lost my best friend and it hurts.


  1. Oh Rena... My heart hurts for you...

    I lost Troubles after 18 years... He was there with me when I started kindergarten and was there when I graduated College... It still hurts...
    And with Ananke and Kaya, after all we have been through together... They are my rocks! And they are 8 this year and I just know when their time comes I won't be functional for a long time...
    They aren't just pets, or animals... They are our children!

    I am so happy I used her in the Cat image of Critter Groups and will be using Ananke and Kaya in book three!

    Love ya, and thoughts and prayers are with you!!!

  2. Rena,

    I know exactly how you are feeling, you know I am a huge animal lover and I fall to pieces every time a pet dies. people who don't have pets don't understand that they DO become a member of the family! they become like our children, they rely on us for food, shelter, safety, warmth, love...

    my Robbie dog is 14 now, he's lived far longer than any of us could ever have expected and he's showing no signs of giving up just yet, but we realistically know his time with us now is limited, and I know that when that fateful day comes, i will fall to pieces once again. we adopted him when he was 5, we've been through so much and stuck with him through thick and thin... he's just as much my baby boy as Caelan is!

    big hugs, Rena, you gave Belle a good life and in the end you did what was best for her, i know that's of little comfort now though xxx

  3. Rena,

    I am so sorry about your cat. How heart-breaking that must be.

  4. I'm so so sorry for your Loss, Rena. She was a beautiful kitty and no doubt a fantastic friend. It's never easy to lose a loved pet.

    sending many (((((hugs)))) your way.

  5. I'm so sorry about Belle Rena. Losing an animal that we love leaves a hole in your heart.I don't think it's petty or pathetic at all to mourn for a pet.I have been a complete mess over pets many times. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.


  6. You know I'm here whenever.


  7. Rena, I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I've recently lost our dog of 16 years, Paddy, who we got when we lived in Australia. We have no idea how old he was, just that he was already grown up when we got him. I've also recently had to put two of my other animals down. I know it hurts. And to a lot of others, they were 'just rats' but they were my pets.

    I will be keeping you in my prayers. Just know what a wonderful like you gave Belle.

    Anita (gramma2jaakk)

  8. Hi

    I stumbled over from Niki's Wool N Nuts blog.

    I am so, so sorry about Belle. I'm so sorry for the grief and the loss and the pain. They are like no other and unless a person was loved by a pet they will never know exactly what it feels like. So I do so empathise with you.

    Take care. Belle will always be there peering over your shoulder always beautiful, always with you.
    Take care

  9. I'm so sorry for your loss Rena. I don't care what anyone says, when it's time to say goodbye to a pet, it's hard. 17 years. She had a good life, she knew she was loved. And I know she is with CJ right now this minute and they are comparing notes.

  10. Others might be going through tough times, but that doesn't make your loss any less significant. So sorry your family is hurting.

  11. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. A beloved pet occupies a very special place in our hearts and they are an important part of the family. It is very hard to lose that dear companion, and it is very hard to make the decision to have them put down. I have had to do that several times, and it is never easy. It will get easier, and the happy memories will always be with you.

  12. I'm so sorry for your loss! That is heartbreaking. But what a sweetie she seemed to be. You've got some great memories with her.

  13. Pets are family! It's hard when it's time to let one go. I'm very sorry for your loss, Rena. She was beautiful!

  14. I am sorry. From the sound of it, you gave her a darn good 17 years.

  15. Hi Rena, I hope you're doing ok. I'm so sorry XXXXX

  16. Rena, I'm so sorry about Belle. I figured something bad had happened when you hadn't updated your blog since last week.

    I don't care what people say about pets - they're special companions that fill up the parts of our hearts we never knew existed, until we lose them.

    You're in my thoughts & prayers. *squishy hugs*


  17. I'm so sorry! We lost our kitty Seymour a couple months ago and it was heartbreaking. It still is. They're our little fur people.

  18. I am SOOOOOOOO sorry. It is a painful experience. You are in my thoughts

  19. I'm finally catching up on my blog reading, and just read your post. I'm so sorry for your loss. We have 2 kitties and 2 dogs, and they are such a part of our family. It's painful to lose a pet, especially one that you've had that long. My heart goes out to you. ((hugs))