Thursday, April 1, 2010

My apologies ...


I am sorry to not have been around much and for not visiting your blogs recently. I hope to get back into some sort of schedule soon. We had to put Belle down on Friday and then all this week is Easter Vacation for us, so I'm even more out of my routine than normal. Rick keeps saying I need to get back on track, but it's been hard for me. I've spent most of the week lying around in my pajamas, feeling sorry for myself.

I'm usually pretty good at faking things and putting on a happy face when I need to. I noticed how hard that was yesterday when I went out. I had a doctor's appointment and when she came in and asked how I was doing, I responded as best as I could. She sat down and looked at me for a few silent moments before saying, "Are you sure?" Then when I was at the pharmacy picking up some antibiotics, several ladies were commenting about another lady walking by with her dog. They were laughing because the lady's hair matched the dog. One of them goes, "Well, you know, they say we start to look like our pets eventually." That comment made me stop and think for a minute. Then the lady at the register was as sweet as she could be to me, telling me to have a nice day and hoping I had a nice Easter, etc. I responded to everything she said, but I think I disappointed her with my lack of smile. I don't know. I'm just not feeling that yet.

It sucks not having Belle here. It really does. I think I hear her every now and then. During the last few weeks, she had been sleeping behind a chair in my bedroom. There was a pillow back there in the corner and that's where she was most comfortable. Sometimes I hear noises in the office directly below me and it sounds like it's coming from that chair. She has always been in this house with us. In fact, she's been in 5 different houses with us. It's just surreal that she's not here. Coming home sucks. She was always there to greet me. I haven't slept well because I'm so used to her sleeping on me. I haven't been eating well either. Like I said, I've mostly been lying around feeling sorry for myself. Now that I can do well.

Anyway, I apologize for being a slug and not visiting your blogs and such. I've been on Facebook a little lately and it was nice to see everyone's comments there. Today, however, sucks because it's April Fools Day. I hate this day. The Yellowstone site on FB left a comment about some bears being shot in the park over a pick-a-nick basket. It was a joke, obviously, but not a funny one. I don't know and maybe it's just better I stay offline today since I'm not finding any humor in things, more or less a reason to smile. And to top things off, a truck drove by me yesterday and kicked up a rock into my windshield, leaving a pretty good crack. Not sure if it can be fixed or if the whole thing needs to be replaced. And if that's not enough, the antibiotics I'm on make me feel sick as a dog unless I eat, which has been hard for me. In addition, my recent surgery might not have corrected the problem, so now I have to be rechecked in 3 weeks and possibly put on another medication. Hell, might as well change my name to Schleprock. Anyway, thanks for stopping by and please bear with me as I continue to wallow in self-pity ...

13 comments:

  1. There is no need to apologize, Rena. Spend as much time as you need. Spend this Easter with your boys, color LOTS of eggs, make your own baskets, do all those things I know you are good at doing. Be with them.

    We'll be here when you get to feeling a bit more normal.

    Hugs, Bish

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  2. Praying for you, Rena. Life can be really depressing at times; I'm hoping it will pass quickly for you.

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  3. ola!!Pasate por mi blog, tengo unos cuadros q te van a gustar muxo.

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  4. Sometimes life is harder than usual. Be good to yourself during this time.
    Steph

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  5. You are entitled to mourn and feel bad for a while. Go get some tea. Weep some. We're here when you get back!

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  6. I ditto what everyone else is saying. No need for apologies. It's totally normal and expected that you'll be feeling down for a bit. It's hard to lose such a loved pet. Take time to grieve and do what you need to do. In the mean time, we'll be sending you lots of cyber love and ((((hugs)))).

    My heart goes out to you!

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  7. I'm sorry about the loss of Belle. It's perfectly normal for it to be tough. Do what you need to do to heal, and we'll all still be here when you get back. Blessings...

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  8. My Rena,your blog today brought out the tears. I have been right where you are.Praying for the Lord to comfort you as only He can.{HUGS}

    Leanne

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  9. Sometimes we just need a break from everything and everyone--a quiet time to heal.

    Feel better...

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  10. Do not apologise. You have every right to feel the way you've been feeling. In fact, it's better to feel this way than cramming every emotion you have about Belle's death all of the way down and feining happiness. It takes more work to fake things, than it does to feel through them.

    Please eat. And even if you're in your PJs, as long as you've cleaned yourself up, it's okay.

    *Big HUGS*

    Gale

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  11. This too shall pass, I promise. There is always a bright sun behind the clouds. *HUGE HUGS*

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  12. You have a right to feel all the emotions you are facing. Don't try to hide them and don't apologize for them. You've got a lot on your plate right now so just know that all of us understand and support you.

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  13. Ah Rena, I am so there with you. I have been trying to keep a brave face for 2 weeks now (has it only been 2 weeks-it feels like forever.) I am constantly near tears over pretty much everything, I have no patience and I am so tired of people telling me they know how I feel. (Wow - how is that for a vent!) On one side, I know people are being nice and trying to help but on the other I just want to scream and cry and yell about how unfair life is. Talk about wallowing. So know that you are not alone. People (there are those damn people again..) but they say it gets easier. I am not sure I believe them but I think I have to if I want to keep it together. Big hugs from me to you. I guess we both just have to take it day by day.

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